


Absolute Chaos

by raniajacobs



Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga), Free!, Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Childhood Memories, Falling In Love, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Future Fic, Gen, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Major Character Injury, Memories, Retired Katsuki Yuuri, Retired Victor Nikiforov, Retired Yamazaki Sousuke, Slice of Life, Things Usually Take Place In Japan, This Fic Contains Every Emotion, everyone is aged-up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-08
Updated: 2018-08-29
Packaged: 2019-06-23 14:08:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,110
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15607968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raniajacobs/pseuds/raniajacobs
Summary: Fate is sophisticated. You may meet people you never expect to meet out of the blue. You may have new friends and these friends may become more than just friends. Your calm life may turn into inevitable chaos; or just the opposite, who knows.This is the story of how fate affects completely different persons and bring them together, making them must-have to each other.This is the story of love, friendship, sorrow, fears and so on.This is the story of life.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction which I've ever posted here! But, but and but; I won't be able to post the episodes until I finish my still-in-progress Yuri On Ice fanfiction and post it here. Muse suddenly rushed to me and I felt really excited, then wrote this prologue and can't help posting it . Unfortunately, you have to wait for a while if you want to read it. There are mainly conversations on prologue, not depicts because I didn't want to extend it too much. Also, English is not my native language so please tolerate the mistakes and feel free to correct them ^^ All comments are welcomed as long as they are constructive criticism. I hope you enjoy this fic and keep in touch! I will be very appreciated if you leave kudos ^^ Let's get started!

"Everyone knows that you retired because of an injury but you never said what it was. Can you elaborate it, Sousuke-sensei?" Okumura Eiji said while he was taking notes on his pineapple patterned notebook.

"Um," Yamazaki Sousuke paused a little, budging tremulously on his seat. "I don't think this is necessary. You know, it is a little bit personal issue, so I don't want people to know about this."

Upon hearing these words, Eiji stopped writing and looked into Sousuke's teal blue eyes. Raw pain and haunting regret were all he could see.

_Not good, not at all. Something bad, very bad, must have happened to him. This is not just an injury. There is more and I want to figure out what actually happened._

But he couldn't. He was a reporter, yes, but he was working with an ethical approach. He couldn't force him to tell about what actually happened as long as he didn't want to say something; especially under these circumstances. This retirement was fairly new and Sousuke never gave an interview about it nobody but him. Eiji was absolutely grateful for this and also pleased because Sousuke must have seen how he had worked really hard to take this interview among all those more experienced colleagues than him; he gave the interview to Eiji, after all. Sousuke let him in, confiding in him enough to talk about his before and after, so violating his privacy was the last thing Eiji want to do.

"Forgive me if I disquieted you, Sousuke-sensei. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."

Sousuke smiled softly. "Don't worry, Eiji-kun. You're just doing your job. This-"

Sousuke's speech was interfered with a bubblegum pop.

Eiji's eyes went wide just before he tried to flash a scary glance to Ash Lynx. Yes, just tried because he knew he couldn't intimidate him with a scary look. Ash was used to worse things. "Ash, what do you think you're doing? We are in the middle of a very, very important interview."

Ash looked literally unimpressed. "I've been doing nothing but sitting here, sipping my smoothie and listening to your interview about swim life, which is not my cup of tea, for nearly one and a half hours. Also, my phone went dead, so there is nothing else I can do. I'm just trying to kill my time by chewing a gum, what's the big deal? Oh, by the way, don't forget that you dragged me in here with you in the first place."

After listening to the blonde's reproach, Sousuke rolled his eyes dramatically and started to type a message on his phone, taking advantage of not being center of attention.

"I can't believe you, Ash! I just didn't want you to get bored when I am out, but look at what you've done! You are disrespecting Sousuke-sensei." Eiji said, switching to English. 

Ash was ready to answer in a devil-may-care attitude when Sousuke talked. 

"Guys, I'm sorry to interfere you but I think the time is up. I have to go now."

Eiji watched the older man's packing his stuff and wearing his jacket with panicky eyes. "Bu-but Sousuke-sensei, I still have a few questions to ask."

Sousuke offered a bashful smile and rubbed his nape. "In fact, I've already told you everything I could. So, I really have to go because my friend is waiting for me out-"

"Sou! I'm here!"

Sousuke closed his eyes in a huff as Tachibana Makoto wrapped his arms around Sousuke's waist. "-side."

Eiji was in shock as he clutched Ash's sleeve firmly. _Light brown hair, those green eyes, and broad shoulders..._ "T-tachibana Makoto?"

Ash frowned. He had no idea about that boy. "Who is Makoto?"

"Just shut up. I'll explain later."

Japan's another swimming legend was in front of him, with all his vigorousness and brilliance.  _Perfect,_ he thought.  _Another Greek God is standing still in front of my eyes._

"Didn't you read my message, Mako? I told you to stay outside." Sousuke said after flinging his friend away. He was frankly annoyed with his friend's manner.

"Oh, I just want to buy something to drink. Why are you so snappish suddenly, Sou-chan?" Makoto said with a pout.

"I'm not snappish," Sousuke sighed with embarrassment. "Whatever, buy your drink and then, let's go."

Eiji felt a little offended.  _Most probably, he didn't want me to see their relationship. Being a reporter, also a photographer, is pretty hard sometimes._ But to be honest, Sousuke was right to worry because Eiji caught a break and he didn't want to miss the opportunity to ask a few questions to Makoto; in the ethical frame, of course.

"Makoto-sensei, can I ask you a few questions, please?" 

Makoto flashed a big smile. "Oh, I thought you are here only for Sou, but... Sure, why not?"

_He is a real optimistic. Look at how he changed his mood suddenly. He was pouting a few seconds ago; now he is smiling with enthusiasm._

"Mako, we don't have time. If we linger around, we will be late for the cinema. C'mon, we are going," Sousuke said in a rush. "By the way, Eiji-kun, I hope I satisfied you with my answers. If you need help with anything, you can contact me every time. Thanks for the interview. Bye!"

He reached his friend's forearm and hauled Makoto towards the exit.

"What? Wait for me, Sousuke-sensei. You didn't give him even a chance to speak. Hey!" Eiji shouted and tried to pick up his bag clumsily. "God damn it, Ash! Move your arse, we need to catch them before they are gone!"

"Are you crazy? We didn't foot the bill!" Ash shouted after Eiji.

"So deal with it!" 

Ash sighed furiously. "You jackass!"

Eiji was about to get out of the café when he collided with someone. "Oh, I'm so sor-" 

His apology was aborted when he raised his gaze to the person he crashed. 

"Hey! Are you okay? You seem really pale. Are you sick or something?" Silver-haired, extremely handsome man asked in suspense, grabbing his wrist.

Eiji gulped hard and realized that he was trembling because of thrill. He had already let swimmers slip, but he had another shining diamond in his hands now.

"Is he okay?" 

He turned his head to the other voice's owner.  _Brown eyes, blue glasses, black hair and confused look._

_Of course. Of course he is with him. Everybody knows that Victor Nikiforov and his beloved husband Yuuri Katsuki Nikiforov go together almost everywhere. I think I have two diamonds now!_

"I-I'm okay. Brilliant, actually. Thanks." Eiji pulled his wrist back and murmured while familiar melody was filling in his ears.  

_Ice ice baby_  
_Ice ice baby_  
_All right stop_  
_Collaborate and listen_

_"_ Vitya, do you hear this? Ice Ice Baby is playing. What a coincidence!" Yuuri said with a soft smile on his lips, clinging his husband's hand and caressing it.

Eiji beamed just before pulling his pencil and notebook from his bag.  _Exactly,_ he thought _. What a coincidence! Indeed... I love coincidences._

_We can get started now!_

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! If you want to listen to songs that I chose for this fanfiction, you can visit my Spotify track list [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/ehazalbilmis/playlist/1hOPFGjMV6IFdLnBTMrZ6c?si=_pEGvifdSZWOavcy5yrG1Q)


	2. How Did We Come Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How did all those different lives come together? By some quirk of fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although it took some time (because even if I know it well, English is still not my native language) and I haven't completed my YOI fanfiction yet, I couldn't help writing a new chapter! Thank you for kudos and comments, they made me so happy^^ I hope you will like the chapter. Let me know your thoughts and advice about my story, so comments and kudos are totally welcomed! Also, if you want to be informed via e-mail when I post a new chapter, please subscribe!  
> Enjoy~

Katsuki Yuuri opened his eyes slowly upon hearing his message tone a few times. _I must have forgotten to silence my phone._

He looked at his still asleep husband and couldn't help smiling kindly. Waking up to this view every single day was a blessing for Yuuri. He was together with love of his life, his coach, his idol and his  _everything._

He fondled his husband's silver and soft hair, trying not to wake him up. It wasn't an early hour, just 9.30 am, but they had been overcome by fatigue after their intensive tempo the day before, so they needed to rest well in order to continue coaching their students efficiently. 

Indeed, he already felt well-rested but he knew that it wasn't enough for Victor because he was thirty-two now and it was a little bit compulsive age for ice skating. Nevertheless, his husband was still much better than many younger skaters. He was exhibiting his difference; he was a champion after all.

Yuuri eluded his thoughts, picked up his phone and examined the notifications.

**From: Yuratchka <3 (3 new messages)**

**Hey, Katsudon! Hope u r awake! Can we talk?**

**I was going to call you later but I'll be busy training ALL DAY!**

**Thanks to FUUUCKING YAKOV >.<**

Yuuri covered up his mouth with his hand to avoid laughing but he failed; a few giggles got out of his mouth. It had been five years since he met Yuri and their relationship got better and better, year after year. Yuri wasn't that ill-tempered teenager anymore; he was twenty years old now and he was calmer. Yes, he still had a quick temper but at least he was more respectful to his elders and above all, his laughters became more frequent.

**To: Yuratchka <3**

**Skype, in a few minutes :***

He got up and wore his silky robe, not wanting to dress up yet. Sleeping with nothing but a boxer was a habit that he had picked up from his husband. 

He walked on his tiptoes so as not to wake Victor and got in their shared bathroom. While he was washing his face and hands, his glance focused on the ring on his finger. He couldn't help himself from sighing happily. He had been doing the same thing every day since their wedding. For three years, he had never given up on this routine and, indeed, he was totally okay with it.

After finishing with the bathroom, he took his laptop and headed for the kitchen. He placed the laptop on the kitchen counter, opened it, clicked on Skype and called Yuri. He missed the younger one so much. They were always in contact but, of course, it was incomparable with being side by side all the time. It was like being far, far and far away from your little brother. 

Yuri's beautiful face was on the screen after a few seconds. Yuuri beamed and blew a kiss to Yuri as soon as he saw his face. 

 _"Oh my God, Katsudon! I'm not your husband, just for the records."_ Yuri said, slightly blushing.

This time, Yuuri laughed loudly and so did Yuri. 

"So, how are you, honey? I miss you, you know?" 

 _"What? Honey? I'm not a child anymore, Katsudon,"_ The younger one said with a pout on his face. _"And I miss you, too. Hell, I miss even Victor."_

A little smile appeared on Yuuri's lips. "You may be twenty now, but you are still like my little brother. Also, of course, you miss Victor. You love him secretly, just admit it."

 _"Yeah, whatever. By the way, I know the time isn't too early for you but if I woke you up, I'm sorry about that. I just... Just..."_ Yuri gulped and pressed his hand to his face.

Yuuri frowned as worry rushed to his mind, beginning from his tiptoes. He knew Yuri wasn't the best at talking about his feelings in front of other people. He was a bit introverted, unfortunately, and Yuuri understood him very well because he was just like him in his early-twenties and puberty. He had pretty much gotten his introversion over thanks to Victor and probably, Yuri needed someone just like Victor.

"You can talk with me easily Yurio. You know that, right?" 

 _"Yes, yes, I know it. Nowadays... I just..."_  

Yuuri decided not to look at the screen so that Yuri could speak without hesitation. "Do you mind if I start making breakfast while talking to you?"

 _"No, no. Do whatever you want."_ Yuri sighed with relief and Yuuri didn't miss it.

He went and ringed up the curtains. He loved feeling sunlight on his pale skin, especially in the mornings. He opened refrigerator as Yuri began to speak.

 _"I think I have been feeling tired lately. All these trainings, Yakov, Lilia... I think I need some space but Yakov says that I shouldn't have a break even if it is for just a few days. But... I think I will get worse if I continue to push myself."_  

Yuri sounded really tired, maybe _exhausted_ and Yuuri's worries doubled. He examined the younger one's face carefully and saw pouches under his eyes. He cursed himself for not realizing them in the first place. 

"Yuri, you shouldn't push yourself. Everyone has limits and if you try to exceed them, you may be frustrated. You're a human, after all. You are not a member of the master race. You are already perfect. You have a lot of world records. You are the pride of Russia. What else can you do?" Yuuri said with all his empathy.

Yuri smiled after Yuuri's words. Now, he looked less glum. 

"Just like this, honey. Just smile. And don't worry. I will ask Victor to talk with Yakov. You know, Vitya has considerable influence on him." 

 _"Oh, speaking of the devil,"_ Yuri said, rolling his green eyes. _"Your sappy husband is right behind you, Katsudon."_

Yuuri chuckled when Victor hugged him from back, nuzzling into his neck. 

"Morning, sweetheart." Victor said and peppered a few kisses on Yuuri's neck.

Yuuri leaned his face on Victor's and kissed him on the cheek. "Morning, love."

Yuri gagged with disgust. _"You guys are gross. You need some decency."_

"Good morning to you, too, little brat," Victor said with a smirk on his face. "And stop reacting as if we had been making out in front of your eyes."

Yuuri slapped Victor's hands which were resting on his waist. "Watch your mouth, Vitya!"

"I said making out, jeez!" Victor said, rubbing his wrists. 

 _"Whatever. I need to go now, Yakov is calling me."_ Yuri said while doing a few moves to stretch. _"Thank you, Katsudon. I feel better now."_

"Promise?"

 _"Promise."_ Yuri chuckled before he turned his eyes away, blushing. _"I love you. I mean both of you. I love you both, guys."_

"You are doing it on purpose, right?" Victor said, feeling the tears burning his eyes. "You love it when I cry."

Yuri smiled softly. _"Bullshit. It is because you are being more and more sensitive as you are getting old."_

The silver-haired man wiped his tears away and hugged Yuuri again. "Although you are an ass, we love you too, Yuratchka." 

"He is not an ass," Yuuri rolled his eyes and didn't forget to pinch Victor's forearm when he hugged him back. "And, yes, we love you. So much."

 _"Yes, so that I took my daily dose of romance, I can go now. See you, old men!"_ Yuri said, waving his hand and grinning.

"See you!" Victor and Yuuri said in chorus. 

Victor put his hand under his chin. "You are aware of the fact that we've just accepted that we are old, aren't you?" 

"We are old when compared to him, sweetheart. Stop complaining," Yuri said, turning off the computer. "C'mon, let's make breakfast."

"Ah, wait a minute," Victor tugged his husband's sleeve, eyes focusing on his foot. "There is something I want to show you."

"Show me?" Yuuri lifted his brows. 

Victor nodded, looking a little bit unsure. Of course, Yuuri noticed his hesitation. Whenever Victor was nervous, he focused his eyes on everywhere but the person who stood in front of him.

"Why are you nervous, Victor?"

Yuuri said Victor instead of  _Vitya_ _,_ which meant things were being serious.

"Okay. I did something. Something crazy, I guess." 

Yuuri narrowed his eyes, peering his husband. "Okay. Just say it."

Victor inhaled sharply and pulled something from his pocket. 

_A key._

"Wha-what is this? Did you buy a house or something?" Yuuri asked with a little excitement.

"I bought... Oh, shit. Why can't I just say these kinds of things at once?" Victor huffed at himself and handed over the key to Yuuri.

"Look, I know you love coaching but... That day... I mean... That day at the café, I saw your shining eyes. You said that you loved that café so much, and I just," He trailed off, chewing his lips. He was an _extremely_ extroverted person, why couldn't just spit out what he wanted to say?  _Because it is love, stupid. You're giving a huge gift to the person you love and you wonder if he likes it. If it is love, it doesn't matter how much you are extroverted; love captures your bravery at some point._

"After that day, I remembered a few conversations of ours. I remembered you said that it would be nice to run a café when you got old and I suddenly wanted to make your dream come true. You're not old but you can start now, I think. If you want, of course."

Yuuri gasped and looked at the key in his hand.  _"Again."_

Okay, Victor expected a wide range of reactions but absolutely not this. "What?" 

Yuuri lifted his face to look at his husband's blue eyes.  _Those eyes that ignite me with desire. Those eyes that I want to melt into. Those eyes that I will never get bored even if I look at forever._

"I said 'again'. You've just made my another dream come true, like always," Yuuri said, voice shaking because of excitement and tears filling his eyes. That moment, many emotions and memories captured him, making him cry, making him laugh. Gratitude, happiness, excitement, hope, love... All these emotions wrapped him like a cozy blanket. 

"It's you. You fulfilled my every single wish. You coached me, you skated with me, you married me, you made me won gold medals and now..." Yuuri said and burst into tears.

"Oh, Yuuri," Victor cupped his lover's cheeks and wiped every single teardrop on them. "What about you? Until I met you, I had always thought that my every dream had come true. But still, I had felt like something had been missing -something really big, actually. Then, I found you and I realized what it was.  _My life and my love._ You brought me life and love Yuuri. All this time, you had been my biggest and only dream but I hadn't been able to realize it. Yet, you are in my life now. In my home, in my bed, in my arms... You are my everything. So, please let me take care of you. Let me make you the happiest man in this world. Okay?"

Yuuri was utterly speechless. He understood once again why he loved this man and devoted his life to him. "Victor... Thank you."

He couldn't say any more. Instead, he wrapped his arms around Victor's exposed neck and kissed him with all his eagerness, trying to convey to him all his love, passion, affection and happiness. 

When Victor lifted Yuuri and placed him on the kitchen counter without ending their perfect kiss, hands on his husband's well-shaped hips, Yuuri pulled away and messed his husband's silver hair, laughing loudly. "No mischief!"

Victor frowned, slithered his hand under Yuuri's silky robe and caressed his tight calf, smirking mischievously. "Naughty boys never listen to anybody, you know?"

Yuuri bit his lower lip with coloring cheeks, barely suppressing his moan and slapped his husband's highly skilled hand. 

"Ouch!"

"I want to have breakfast as fast as I can and then, go to  _our_ café. So, please behave yourself, darling."

Victor giggled and kissed Yuuri one more time before letting him go. "Okay, okay!"

   

* * *

 

_A featherweight buss on his sunkissed cheeks._

_A tenuous touch of slender fingers._

_An angelic voice._

_"Hey! It's time to wake up, you sleepyhead!"_

_Sousuke opened his eyes, smiling lazily. "Good morning."_

_A playful smirk appeared on the flawless face. "Good morning."_

_"C'mere," Sousuke said with wheezy voice due to oversleeping and yanked Kisumi forward. "God, I love you so much. I want to wake up to your beautiful face and perfect voice every day."_

_Kisumi let out a chuckle before kissing Sousuke on his lips, lingering a bit. "Is this a marriage proposal? If it is, you know, what can't be cured must be endured."_

_Sousuke frowned and messed his darling's hair. "You're evil. It was a proposal, yes, but I'm recanting it."_

_The candy-haired man lifted his hair to gauge if Sousuke's words were genuine or not. "Are you serious?"_

_"If you want?"_

_Sousuke managed to notice the little gasp which let out Kisumi's mouth._

_"You're serious. Oh God, you are fucking serious."_

_Sousuke kissed Kisumi's soft hair. "Yes. Maybe we may not afford to do it officially, but we still can have rings and oaths and maybe little traditional things?"_

_Kisumi suddenly kissed him with all his passion and got out of the bed._

_"Hey, where are-"_

_"Hush! Just stay here and don't change your poster," Kisumi said, grinning from ear to ear and adjusting his canvas. "I'm going to name this 'Morning of Proposal'."_

_The dark-haired man laughed with joy and-_

Sousuke Yamazaki woke up with a pant. A pant which was full of longing, regret, love...

He slowly veered his face on his right, although he didn't want to do it. Because he knew it, he was going to face with emptiness, cold sheets, cold pillow. Hell, it wasn't even the same bed.

And there it was. Ruthless space. 

He straightened up and rubbed his face, trying to ignore painful knot in his throat.

 _It's been months but he is still haunting me,_ he thought _. At least there weren't nightmares anymore; just once in a blue moon._  

But  _that_ dream was pretty ironical. A marriage proposal? As if it had been possible when they were together...

After putting on a t-shirt, he made his way to the living room. But there was something wrong, something missing and as soon as he realized it, he stopped. 

_Oh._

He had skipped looking at his photo with Kisumi which was on his night table. And there was a painting on the wall, portraying Kisumi and him; hugging each other tightly, looking each other with love.  _So in love._  Feeling a bit guilty, he desperately wanted to turn back and smother Kisumi's face on the photo and painting with kisses, over and over again. But his voice of conscience said him to do the opposite. 

_Why do you feel guilty? There is no reason to feel guilty. Some inauspicious incidents occurred, yes, but what can you do now? Can you change what happened? Can you find a time machine? No. There is nothing to do for the past. So, what will you do? You've been struggling for a long time to get through what you experienced and your troubles. You agonized, you wept, you repented and you yearned. Did you forget all these things? Don't you want to heal? Of course you want, but at the same time, you are loath to heal. You are afraid because you think that if you pass the sponge over your yesterday, it will be a betrayal to your memories, to Kisumi. But you are wrong. No one wants you to disremember Kisumi or your good memories. Kisumi was your first love, your memories are precious. How can you forget them? Nonetheless, you have to realize that Kisumi isn't here anymore, so you should move on. Forget your moment of separation, forget all the bad things; remember only good ones. Remember how beautiful the bond was, between you and him. You have a future. You are newly graduate, you are successful. You were a champion, it will be very hard for you to adapt not to swimming again, yet you have a very bright future. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. Just go and write your own fate._

His psychiatrist's words and wee small voice wheeled around in his mind.  _Maybe it is high time..._

Sousuke took a few steps and stopped again.

_Do not stop, damn it. Just walk away._

And he did. He walked away with hasty steps as if he had been scared to go back.

That was the first day in which he didn't perform his daily ritual.

_Things will get better. Take it easy. Baby steps._

When he got into the living room, he saw Makoto, sitting on the couch and reading a thick book. It was unusual, Makoto was supposed to be practicing now.

"Good morning, Sou. You are early today?" Makoto said with a big smile on his face, closing the book and removing his glasses.

At that moment, Sousuke noticed he didn't check the time.

"What time is it?" He asked, sitting near Makoto.

Sousuke rested his head on Makoto's shoulder, allowing slender fingers to stroke his hair. "Quarter to nine. Why did you wake up?"

"You know, dreams again." He said before feeling pause of Makoto's fingers. He immediately changed the topic because he didn't want Makoto to worry. He was worried enough, after all. "Why didn't you go to the practice?"

"The pool is closed today due to maintenance. How is your shoulder?" 

Sousuke deadpanned, trying hard to keep his composer in front of an _I'm-so-worried_ Makoto. "Just a dull pain. No worries, you know medicines and painkillers relieve it." 

Makoto sighed softly and offered a little smile. "Okay. Let's make breakfast." He said after standing up. 

"Would you want to eat pancakes? I know you like my pancakes. No, I should have said _love_ , instead. Like is a little... You know, not enough, " Sousuke said while examining cover of Makoto's book. "Eh, I can't blame you. My pan-" He trailed off when he saw _that_  look on his best friend's face. 

"What? Are you okay?" 

Makoto was looking at him literally in shock, eyes wide open and jaw dropped. "What did you say?" 

Sousuke was totally confused. What was the big deal with pancakes? "Um... Pancakes?" 

He could swear that a flash of joy and hope sparkled in Makoto's eyes. 

"Sou... You haven't made pancakes since... Well, you know." 

"O-oh." 

That was the only thing what Sousuke managed to say. And then, the reality struck him hard. There were tones of things he loved to do, so where were they now? Cooking, drawing projects, taking photos, going out for a walk and so on... Did he really give up on life that much? Did he really suck that bad? 

"Please don't space out. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry." 

When Makoto's worried and regretful voice filled in his ears, he sighed. 

_Always worried, always affectionate and always altruistic... This guy is an angel. Well, do I deserve him?_

"Don't be sorry, Mako. I'm just enlightening." Sousuke said, heading for the kitchen. 

"Pardon me?"

"Nevermind. C'mon, help me. I'm starving."

Makoto blinked a few times with so much confusion but he let go at the end. 

They made their breakfast, talking occasionally and thinking overly. 

"Okay," Sousuke said, putting a plate full of pancakes in front of Makoto. "Taste it."

Makoto cut a little piece from his pancake -to be honest, not that little- and chewed it enthusiastically. He stopped after a few seconds and closed his eyes with serene. " _Mmm_. Oh, God," he said, a faint smile on his face. "Sousuke, this is _so_ good. Even after all these months, you haven't become rusty. Not at all."

Sousuke watched his friend's tucking into his breakfast with an amused look. Watching Makoto in such moments was really rollicking because he always looked like a five-year-old boy, a boy enjoying even trifles, in spite of his age and giant body. So, Sousuke couldn't help laughing with compassion. 

_To find pleasure even in the smallest things... This is so Makoto. I hope he will never change._

_"_ This is not funny, Sousuke," Makoto said, mouth full. "This is your fault. You made me that miserable. How many months I craved for your cooking, you know?"

"Shut up. Also, don't talk when your mouth is full."

"Soooo delicious!"

"You are impossible, Mako-chan," Sousuke said before reaching over the table to meet his fingers with Makoto's mouth and wiping maple syrup on the edge of his upper lip. "Like a little child."

He lingered his fingers on Makoto's lips for two or three seconds, before realizing his friend's extremely blushed cheeks and wide sparkling eyes. When he pulled away clumsily, Makoto tilted his head and drew breath sharply.

Sousuke cleared his throat to parry the awkwardness of the moment. "I'm glad you like."

"Y-yes. Of c-course," Makoto cursed himself for stuttering, shut his eyes for a brief moment. "S-so, do you want to hang out today?"

"Sure. But first, can we go to the café I met with Eiji? I saw a want ad on the window that day. Honestly, I sensed some good vibes about there when I walked in, so I want to give it a shot." 

When Makoto spat the mouthful of tea out suddenly, Sousuke bit his lip and huffed. That was unbelievably fast and actually, Sousuke was in shock, too. All these words just came out abruptly; as if his mind had spoken instead of his mouth. 

"When did you decide  _this?_ And what about your profession? You are incredibly talented, Sousuke. Why don't you just-"

"Just breath," Sousuke said, not being able to catch up Makoto's question bombardment. "I've just decided, actually. And, I don't think I'm ready for a permanent job. Working as a barista is enough for now, you know? I just want to keep myself busy and move away from home. I haven't done anything for months except for the last few weeks."

Makoto flashed a bright smile to him and rose to his feet, knocking his chair down. "I'm so, so happy for you."

Everything happened all of a sudden. Makoto winded around the table on the double and threw himself into Sousuke's powerful arms, being careful not to hurt his shoulder. 

Sousuke gasped in the face of this unexpected movement. Makoto's soft sandy-hair was tickling his neck, arms were holding him tightly but at the same time, gently. At that moment, it felt as if Makoto was the only person who could manage it. 

"I knew it," Makoto said, his warm breath was fondling Sousuke's nape. "When you decided to give that interview to Eiji, I knew things were ready to change. After all those months, you talked with another person except for me, your family and doctors. That day, we even went to the cinema. I don't know what happened; maybe therapy sessions worked, maybe passing days. But now, all I care about is the fruit of your efforts. This is perfect, Sousuke. Finally, you are  _healing._ There is no way you can understand how happy I am."

Due to Makoto's tender words and warming affection, Sousuke's eyes brimmed with tears. He inhaled shakily to remove them but it didn't help at all. He wrapped his arms around his best friend's waist firmly and buried his head into Makoto's neck. Finally, tears were dropping one by one.

When Makoto began to pet his hair, he couldn't stand anymore and gave up. Now, he was weeping, shaking slightly. He wanted to say something. He wanted to show his gratitude towards Makoto. He wanted to point out how happy he was because he had Makoto. But he choked on his words, all he could do was crying loudly.

He didn't know why this happened but it happened anyway. He broke down.  _Again._ But this one felt so different. It felt like all the burden on his shoulders was diminishing gradually. It felt like with every single teardrop, his grief was giving way to something else. He couldn't figure out what it was exactly, but it was a good thing surely. He knew all those painful things wouldn't vanish suddenly, but he also knew there was a time for everything. Feeling the change was enough for now.

"I'm here, Sousuke. I will be always here, beside you," Makoto said, drawing circles on his friend's back. "We overcame a lot of things together, we cried, we laughed together. And it will continue like this."

Sousuke couldn't say anything. He just hugged Makoto more tightly until his tears stopped.

 

* * *

 

Ash Lynx was idling around while waiting for morning coffee that Eiji was preparing for them. He put his hands in his pockets and watched the noisy traffic from the window of _their_ apartment. _His and Okumura Eiji's apartment._ Everybody was in a rush; people were running restlessly to trying to catch their bus, people were trying not to be late for school, people were eating their sandwichs quickly... Annoying toots and blowing wind were escorting all these people. 

He tried to put himself in those people's shoes. Leading a fast life, trying to get by, being a commuter... He had never experienced all those things. His life had never been ordinary and easy. Maybe all those people in the streets thought that their lives weren't easy and they were looking for a little adventure, but Ash was dying for the things they don't want. He had gotten through extremely tough  _shit._ He had seen guns -even used them-, drugs, blades, assassins, mafias, blood and many other things he didn't want to mention. After all those things, all he needed was a peaceful and slow life with Eiji. With the man who pulled him out of the shit pit. With the man who brought him a chance to start a new life. 

When the guitar resting on the couch attracted his attention, he slowly walked towards it. 

_Ibe-san must have forgotten this yesterday._

He took it carefully and touched its strings, feeling nostalgic. When he was a teen, he liked playing guitar but it had been years since he last played it. How many years, exactly? Six? Seven? He wasn't sure about it.

Maybe he had already forgotten how to play guitar but it was worth to give a shot because his mind was screaming with courage, fingers were trembling with excitement and green eyes were gleaming with joy. 

Firstly, he tried to tune strings and he managed to do it. His smile widened as if he had won a victory. Then, he tried a few chords. He nailed them, too. When he felt ready, he closed his eyes and thought of his favorite song:  _Across the Universe._

He started to play it. 

 _"Words are flowing out like endless rain into a paper cup_  
_They slither while they pass, they slip away across the universe_  
_Pools of sorrow waves of joy are drifting through my opened mind_  
_Possessing and caressing me,"_

He beamed as he saw Eiji, two mugs in his hands and bewildered expression on his face. 

He carried on singing, staring at Eiji's warm brown eyes. 

 _"Jai guru deva om_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world,"_

Eiji sat beside him, wrapping his hands around his mug and took a sip of his coffee. He offered a heart-warming smile to Ash and started to accompany the song with his not-bad English.

This time, Ash was amazed; amazed by Eiji's pure voice and intensity of emotions in his eyes.

 _"Images of broken light which dance before me like a million eyes_  
_They call me on and on across the universe_  
_Thoughts meander like a restless wind_  
_Inside a letter box they_  
_Stumble blindly as they make their way_  
_Across the universe,"_

Ash wanted to be silent while Eiji was accompanying him. His only desire was listening to Eiji's calming voice at that moment. 

 _"Jai guru deva om_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world_  
_Nothing's gonna change my world,"_

Eiji's elegant fingers holding the mug just a moment before were on the Ash's gold hair, caressing it carefully. 

Ash closed his eyes with Eiji's touch. _That_ feeling was there again. The feeling that made him question the bond between him and Eiji. Were they like brothers or were they in a pre-romance period? Or... Were they  _in love_ already? In their relationship, there was a really, really fine line between brotherhood and love. One moment, they were face to face, almost kissing; another moment, they were messing with each other in an actual brotherly way. If there was something he was sure about, it was definitely the unconditional affection between them. Sometimes, Ash couldn't help wondering if Eiji felt the same way. 

The song didn't end but he was distracted already, so he decided to leave it undone. He sighed and put the guitar beside the couch, extremely carefully. If there would be even the slightest scrape on it, Ash would be dead because of guilt because apparently, Ibe-san loved his guitar so much. 

"I didn't know you can play guitar. You are pretty good at it, actually."

"And I didn't know you can sing that well, especially this song."

Eiji crossed his arms and pouted. "You think you are the only one who can sing Beatles' songs?"

Ash cried out, scratching his head. "I didn't mean that, Eiji-kun! Also, I was playing the version of Rufus Wainwright."

Eiji rolled his eyes and handed the intact mug to Ash. "Whatever, smart ass. Drink your coffee before it becomes cold."

"Yes, lieutenant!" Ash saluted Eiji, snickering slyly before sipping his coffee. "So, do you sing songs?"

"Of course no, Ash. It was just... I like this song and when I saw you playing it... I just want to accompany, that's all. What about you?"

"I haven't played guitar for six or seven years. I used to like it- well, I still like it and I'm glad that I still remember how to play it."

Eiji hummed and spun his mug in his hands. "You are really smart, aren't you?"

"Just shut up!" Ash said, cheeks had a tinge of red.

Eiji chuckled sprightly and buried his fingers in Ash's hair again. "Won't you have a haircut? It is longer than usual."

"Does it look bad?" Ash asked with a frown.

"No. Everything suits beautiful boys." Eiji took his eyes away from him, being a little shy and cheeks blushing.

Ash smiled with admiration.  _That_ was a lovable view. Eiji's eyes became shiny, cheeks and ears were colored with the most beautiful shade of red whenever he was embarrassed.

"Aww, you are blushing." Ash said, feeling amused.

This time, Eiji frowned and nudged him strongly. "I'm not."

Ash smirked annoyingly. "You became a liar now, Eiji?" 

"Stop it, Ash." Eiji said, after taking his empty mug and going towards the kitchen. 

Ash started to follow him immediately. "Dear God, I'm just kidding. Why so serious?" 

"And stop stealing lines of Joker."

"Hey, anyone can say this, okay? I'm no stealing anything!"

Eiji smiled with victory. "We are even now."

"Huh?"

"You pissed me off, I pissed you off." 

"Wow, Eiji," Ash said, approaching deviously behind Eiji. "When did you become so evil? But, you know what? I'm the actual evil."

Ash jumped at Ash and started to tickle him. Eiji burst into laughter, trying to stop Ash but failing.

"O-oh my- S-stop it- Ash!"

Their joyful waves of laughter jumbled each other. It was like a pure melody of happiness. 

They ended up rolling on the floor; kind of tangled, legs locked together, face to face. Ash stared at Eiji, who was hyperventilating and holding Ash's arms loosely. As brunet's warm breath blew his face, Ash gulped down.

_Cliché._

Eiji, sweet and innocent Eiji was looking more sweet and innocent now, as if it had been possible. 

When Eiji's chocolate eyes focused on his emeralds, Ash felt completely lost. Brunet's eyes were something else; when you looked at them, you could see every single beautiful thing. Love, compassion, respect, amiability...

_Kiss him now._

_Kiss him already._

_Although they never tasted them, how can someone be thirsty for these pinky and soft lips,_ Ash thought. 

_You are so inviting Eiji. Even yourself is unaware of it, but you are driving me crazy in such moments._

Eiji cleared his throat and broke the whole spell of the moment. 

_I should've kissed him when I had a chance._

Ash stood up carefully and reached for Eiji's hand. When their hands met, blond felt the sweat and coldness of the other's fingers. 

"Thanks," Eiji mumbled and exhaled shakily. "Um... We can go to the café we met with Sousuke-sensei and spend our time there, if you want, of course. You've said that you liked there."

Ash rubbed his nape like every time he felt anxious. He couldn't get over their  _intimate_ moment. "Oh, sure. Speaking of Sousuke-"

Eiji interrupted him, shaking his finger. "Add sensei, please."

"God," Ash rolled his eyes and kept going. "Speaking of Sousuke-sensei, when will your interviews be published?"

"We have to wait for the next issue. I'm really excited. You know, I killed two birds with one stone. Also, I'm the only reporter who managed to convince Sousuke-sensei for an interview. My seniors appreciated me."

Ash smiled at Eiji's childish excitement. "Of course, they did. You really are diligent and they see this."

"Oh, thanks." 

"Please stop blushing already, otherwise, I will have a heart attack."

Eiji looked at his friend blankly. "What?"

Ash smiled again, this time at Eiji's innocence. "Nothing. Seeing that we are going to the café, go and change your pajamas. I'm waiting for you."

"All right." Eiji said and rushed to his room, stumbling on the halfway.

Ash chuckled and shook his hand. "You are hopeless Eiji."

 

* * *

 

 "...and then, I started to scream like a crazy person- oh!"

Ash scowled at Eiji, who was telling him eagerly one of his childhood memories. "What happened?"

Eiji pointed out somewhere with his finger. "Look at this. Signboard of the café is gone." 

Ash looked at where Eiji pointed out and hummed. "Yeah. The tables and chairs are gone, as well." 

"I wonder if they shut down."

"Maybe. Let's find out what happened." Ash said and they started to walk towards the café again.

"When we were there, it was really crowded. It seemed like it was working well."

"Maybe they moved somewhere else or they are redecorating?"

Eiji nodded. "I hope so."

When they reached in front of the café, they looked around for a while, until Eiji closed to the windows and examined inside of the café. "Ash. There is someone inside. Well, not someone, there are few people, actually."

"They might be owners. Let's get inside." Ash said and opened the door. 

As all heads turned towards him, he was ready to greet them. "Good-"

He couldn't finish because he froze. And then, he heard Eiji's scream.

"What kind of shit is going on here?"

Even after that scream, he couldn't move.

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! If you want to listen to songs that I chose for this fanfiction, you can visit my Spotify track list [here](https://open.spotify.com/user/ehazalbilmis/playlist/1hOPFGjMV6IFdLnBTMrZ6c?si=_pEGvifdSZWOavcy5yrG1Q)


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